I dont know why...

I don't know why...
I don't know why i'm sad , why i'm moody
I don't know why i'm not as happy as i want to be
I don't know why i say things i say and then feel bad about it
I don't know why i'm never happy with what i have
I don't know why i ruin things
I don't know why

I don't know why...
I don't know why i get jealous
I don't know why i get angry so easily
I don't know why it always happens because of me
I don't know why I'm possessive about you
i don't know why i crave for you
I don't know why

I don't know why...
I don't know why i expect
I don't know why i ask the wrong things
I don't know why i never learn my mistakes
I don't know why i compromise you
I don't know why i hurt
I don't know why

Its a shame.
Its a pity

But it ll take a lot more than what i don't know to change how i feel about you...
After all,



I don't know why

The Casanova Thief

I look back to those glory days,
way before my wary ways,
when i'd hear your voice and s you smile,
and it would leave me breathless for a while,
I'd hold hold your face and kiss you twice,
and stare into those big brown eyes,
lost in thought of you and me
of our future,how it could be

With vineyards, in the country side
the Chateau house, where the roads are wide
Our toddler, so small and frail
would crawl along with the puppy dog tail
And we' d bask in the moonlit night,
I' d kiss you , i ' d touch you and hold you tight
when we ll be lost in our love and fun,
i d whisper in your ear, "You re my only one"!

But dreams are dreams, they always say
the one that takes you so far away
and leaves you messed and askew
Baby, i learned that it was true
Cause when i said those things , i crippled your heart
My lust and greed , ripped it apart
and when i saw you in tears and grief
I knew i 'd become your Casanova thief

Know its not what i meant to do ,
to bring this sad cloud over you
to break your heart and make you cry,
I live to love you , its all i try
But i beg of you can you love me still
and bring back dreams of us on a hill
staring at stars , once again
loving each other , forgetting the pain

And if your wounds too deep, that you cant sew
One small kiss , is all i ll ask of you
to tell you of wandering thought,
to forgive yourself, and forgive me not

And the spirit of the Joker and the Thief lives on.

Wolfmother , the epitome of modern rock. Kickass tunes made with simplicity.

And what Wolfmother song comes to your mind apart from Joker and the Thief?

Song was first released in the album "joker and the thief" in 2006 but hit fame when it was played as a TRAK in Ea Games NFS:Carbon.

My point is.....

ITS AWESOME!!!

And as I stood there on the 23rd of July for my college fest with my band , it seemed rather ridiculous to think that we could pull off something even close the masterpiece. One of the greatest songs of the 21st century and which will obviously end up becoming one of the all time classics....

But guess what , we pulled it off! And it even fetched us a third place for the contest!

I ll be honest with you here. I dont think that it was our performance that won us the prize, it was the song and we all agree on it. But it would prove to be Blood Red Sky's first award.

Hats off to Anthony Stockdale and his mates for producing one of the MOST loved, MOST played and one of the best tunes ever!

Wolfmother , we salute you.

And the spirit of the Joker and the Thief lives on...

One down...... A life time to go - Part 2 (Attack of mushiness)

Hmm....

Funny, that a years over and yet no one really knows the story of our relationship. Guess we have ourselves to blame cause publicity is one thing me and Megz cant handle!. But still I shall go ahead and tell you this story (at the risk of my girlfriend dumping me for infringement of relationship copyright) because i guess you guys have earned a right to know..... so here goes :)

btw , pardon the little details like time and all that ....i'm growing old and so is my memory!

30th March 2009 , Monday...

....... Guess that's where the story started, at least for me. My birthday! I remember it for so many reasons... Some moments priceless , others insignificant... but i remember nonetheless. From the chocolate cake with messed up frosting and annoying candles to the innumerable helpings of lasagne that I had and million packets of ketchup that Dikko gobbled, and who can forget that "horror" movie we watched... Oh and I totally forgot the Karting where I rocked the show :)

But there were two things that remind me about the day the most.

The fact that it actually happened , that my friends actually did something like that! (for which i can never thank them enough) and because it happened to be the day that probably started off something between me and megz.

And then the holidays came , and what seemed to be filled with boredom and anxiety about board exams for everyone , seemed to pass rather quickly for me. It was probably because I was sending upto 250-300 messages everyday from 6 in the morning to late at night till 12 or even 1 sometimes. Or if i wasn't doing that I'd be chatting on facebook or having some stupid argument over the phone. Strangely all this seemed to revolve around one person. Accidental perhaps?

And then May came and went with the hustle and bustle of "OMFG! our board marks are here" and the uncertainty whether our friends would be in the same school or colleges. But my everyday routine continued. The same person , the same routine...... and i liked it! :)

But everything changed once college started. It was just me and Megz in Christ. Out of 2600 people , we knew only each other relatively well. Guess we were lucky that we ended up in the same college and the same class (even on the same bench :P ) , which drew a certain amount of attention to us and since we were pretty close , it was hardly surprising that people started teasing us :D.

Lol,

And Divya Joseph , cornering me and making swear that I'd ask Meghana out by the end of the year sort of sums up what people thought about us.

But this was in July.....

For when August came , it was different again. We treated each other differently. Mushy messages to wake us up and mushy messages to put us to sleep with occasional "friendly" i love you's , it was almost like the relationship was dying to begin and it did.....

August 17th 2009 , Monday.....

"Good Morning" seemed so plain that morning... We shared our mushiness again and then we mutually seemed to agree that we couldn't be "just good friends" anymore.... and that was when the concept of "us" started :)

And I know you ll be wondering on who popped the question , well the answer was there wasn't much of a question really... it was an understanding that we had developed a few days back but it only became "official" on that day when Megz asked if we could be just friends anymore...

Sure there are a lot of untold stories in between but that remains with us ... its top secret :)

Somehow I haven't been able to show my gratitude to her (which means how much i love her) in one year but hey , there's still a lifetime to go and there are still lots of stories to be told :)

One down...... A life time to go - Part 1

*sigh* Well we' ve crossed the first hurdle. Surely, we can cross the rest!

As I look back at the year, the year which started from the 17th of August for us , it is hard to believe that we made it. I gotta say that it wasn't the easiest thing we ve done but our achievement is commendable i guess! :)

BAH!!

Who am i kidding?! It was a piece of cake! Quite literally!

As I write this down , I'd like to make a special mention of a certain Cuddlepook who made it a piece of cake. :) AND i ll tell you why...

Let me explain!

1. She's round like a cake!(and i'm talking only about the face here :\ ) :)

2 . She's sweet like a cake! {AMAZINGLY SWEET! so no sharing X) }

3. She's super awesome and white like a cake! :D

4. Did i mention that she can get Cheesy like a cake? ;)

5. Umm... well you get the idea :) I like cakes! :D

Ah Moopsie Cuddlepook , what would the world be without you!

Its strange that I never thought I'd actually end up in a relationship (with likes of a certain Spadika Jayraj branding me as "not boyfriend-material", to whom I'd like to say IN YOUR FACE SUCKER!!! :P ) but then I apparently bumped into you so, yea my thoughts took a detour for the better and here we are looking back at that one year(which was unforgettable) and thinking "Boy am I glad that happened?"

Sure its only a year but hell with it , its still an achievement! And I'm so proud of it!! *Teary-eyed smile*

Jealousy - The poison thorn in a rose

Jealousy is perhaps the most cruel of the seven deadly sins (envy). The feeling of envy is just natural and something one can no control over . regardless of who is making you jealous! It might be your friend , colleague or even someone you love with all your heart , it just doesn't matter. Its a matter of perspective of the person really. One can be inspired by the envy he/she is facing , or can be so frustrated that he just cant stand it! Its not that the person who's making you jealous is trying to do it intentionally(at least most of the times) but when he/she does so it becomes so hard to bear that all the frustration just comes out even if you don't want it to! Most of the times its not what made you jealous that causes the frustration but the failure of the person who's making you jealous to realize that he/she is doing so. You might say that "You can just point it out that you get envious when you bring that topic up", but does it really work that way? Most of the times it leads to disastrous consequences . After all the person is just being who he/she wants to be and if you have a problem with it , they are obviously going to feel bad that you don't respect their sentiments.

And it works the other way too , where the person who's getting jealous is not doing it on purpose. i could be aspiration , longing for space or even insecurity that causes jealousy, but my point is its not exactly in the hands of a person when he gets jealous! It works the same way with every creature in this world.

So who exactly is to be blamed here?

One might argue that the person who is causing the jealousy should realize that he might have hurt the other by saying something or doing something that he did.But how often can he do so? Its his right to say or do whatever he likes.

Another might argue that its the jealous person who should keep it to himself. That's not always possible is it? Speech and expression are basic rights for a human being and he will undoubtedly oblige them.

The real solution is that there should exist a balance between both.One should know what to say or do and how to do it , while the other should know how to control himself and in worst case-scenarios how to react in a civilized manner. THAT is the solution in my opinion.

Usually jealousy or misunderstandings are what cause relationships to break. Hence the title

There was an article in a daily newspaper a few days back where a wife had gone to collect an award for her husbands achievement (as the husband was unable to do so due to undisclosed reasons). When she returned back home , her joy was short-lived cause her husband didn't let her inside the house on the terms that she was accompanied by other male individuals during the trip . Here the male companions were actually the officials of the award ceremony.

Later , it was found out that the man was jealous, not cause he didn't get to the ceremony , but cause his wife was with other men.

This rather comical article shows that the it takes the smallest gesture to set of sentiments and emotions in a drastic and catastrophic way!

This sort of highlights the point about how such a situation should be balanced.

Truth is jealousy is a part of every person and it can be controlled provided there is co-operation on both sides.

As poisonous as jealousy maybe , there is an antidote and that's what we should work for!

Words fail me when I see you

Everyday morning , I wake up knowing that you ll be there waiting. I fill my head with words I'd like to tell you. Every feeling, every thought, every emotion that runs through my veins. I say to myself "Today's going to be the day I tell you!". I close my fist and think about how I should tell you , sugar-coated or riddled or maybe I should just lay it down there hoping you'd help me with it.

I think about it all the while , on my way to meet you. The moment is arriving. I take a deep breath, motivating myself. "Here we go" I mumble to the passing wind.

And I wait, patiently. I wait for you to break the smoke filled background of our confrontation. I wait for you to come and hear what I have to say.

There you are. With your bag and your friends , walking down to me , as if you were surprised to see me there , completely unaware of what is happening.

"Hey" , you say, and give that perfect smile that breaks the symmetry of your serene face.

And its over , that one word and one action that lost me ." It was almost pointless thinking about how to tell her". I think to myself . I force a smile to hide my embarrassment.

"Lets go?" she asked. I helplessly nodded knowing that there was no way I can go ahead with it now.

We turn around and we walk , as I hopelessly ponder over what happened for the past few seconds.

I smile at my stupidity, thinking to myself hoping she'd hear it , "Words fail me when I see you"